ugh idk anymore

"It’s like when someone says, ‘How are you?’ Do you say, ‘Well, my head hurts and I’m lonely and depressed and I’m worried about everything and the world is collapsing and full of evil’? Or do you say, ‘I’m fine’?"

"i have a “why am i like this” moment at least five times a day"

"Sometimes I have days where everything seems to go wrong in every area of my life all at once and all I want to do is cry. I don’t know if it’s from frustration or anger or just every imaginable emotion I keep bottled up inside trying to express itself all at once… but whatever it is, that urge to break down in tears is overwhelming.
I never do… at least, not at the time and certainly not in front of anybody else because I know I can’t. I have too much riding on me… there’s too many people that rely on me and not enough time for the luxury of a breakdown. But I would do anything to be allowed to fall apart just once and have somebody else pick up the pieces.
But that’s not who I am. I’m the strong one. I’m the one who supports everyone else and fights to keep everything together.
I’m the kind of person who cries and pretends they don’t. I act like I’m invincible when in reality I cry alone in my car, in bathrooms and when other people fall asleep. I’m the one who pulls myself together every time when in reality… I’m falling apart inside and would give just about anything for somebody to hold me together…"

"Sometimes I get so immersed in my own company, if I unexpectedly run into someone I know, it’s a bit of a shock and takes me a while to adjust."

"I think I’m in love with missing you more than I’m in love with you."

"Do yourself a favor and learn how to walk away. When a connection starts to fade, Learn how to let it go. When a person starts to mistreat you, learn how to move on.. to something and someone better. Don’t waste your energy trying to force something that isn’t meant to be.. Because the truth is.. for every one person who doesn’t value you - there are tons more waiting to love you better. Do better."

"I don’t want to fall in love anymore, I feel like I’m constantly repeating myself; telling people my favourite songs, showing them my favourite movies and TV shows, my favourite colour, places I like to visit, just everything. And I’m tired of repeating myself, I don’t have the energy anymore. I want someone who already knows that a particular song is my favourite because it makes me cry happy tears, I want someone who knows that this movie is my favourite, because one of my earliest memories was watching it as a kid, when we were still a family. I don’t want to give people parts of me only for them to become a stranger again, It’s not fair. I’m tired"

"I will never forget the first time we held hands. The soft touch of our palms. The uncertainty relieved with our fingers locked together. My stomach bursting with butterflies. It was something so underrated yet so gentle,so perfect and so powerful. Funny how starlight was brought forth by two imperfect hands. For holding your hand felt like holding your soul."